Feeling so Alive

Just food for thought: So I haven’t been on facebook and tumblr for 2 days with hardly a glance on the internet. It may seem like nothing but, for me, that is a long time without looking at peoples statuses. In that time, I received no messages, invites or any form of communication. Even if you think that sounds sad, it felt good. There’s always this minor form of anxiousness that makes you keep checking these things. Like: maybe someone will message me or tag me in a post. You find yourself searching for the offset chance that someone will see something on this vast internet and think of you. Not receiving anything was a relief because I would have wasted time idling. I felt freer somehow while I wasn’t on it. I probably will take more hiatuses.

It’s coming

I never got to tell you just how much I loved you. When you met me I thought I destroyed that ability to become strong. You knew I was broken. I don’t know how you knew I was so fucked up when even my family couldn’t see it but you did and you just saved me. 

I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you. I was planning on killing him right before offing myself. It sounds dramatic but that was the plan. I was going to do it when I turned 18. By the time you met me, I thought I was already dead and empty. 

Remember when you tried to get me to join robotics? The first meeting I went to was to get away from my house; so I could read without the noise. I always held a sharp object, or had one close, when I was the only girl there. Which was 80 percent of the time. After the first four months I realized you wouldn’t do that. Not all people were monsters.

I didn’t think I’d love you. It wasn’t this romantic love I had but love nonetheless. I wish you were my father; I would have came out so great if I had more time. You kept doing everything you could to make me seem so special, so useful and said I held the team together. I was no engineer. All I could do as follow you around, organize tools and do paperwork. I wasn’t Pablo, who was so awesome I’d get jealous or Matthew who knew the endmill like a pro. I was just me.

Remember that piece of aluminum we wrote my name on using the endmill? You did most the work but kept saying I made it. I fell in the middle on that one and said we both made it. The card in the machine was wrong and was missing the z coordinate but we made do. I stole it from the construction room a few months after. I still have it. I wonder if that’s considered indian giving. 

Tomorrow makes a year. You were 57 years old. For all the years I’d known you I thought you were forever 56. I thought that for five years before you became 57. How foolish was I.

I just want to say, I’m sorry I never came back after mentoring for a year after graduating. I never considered that we were running on borrowed time. I didn’t think you actually needed me. I wanted to come back so great that all those words of encouragement would have meant something. I love you. Even if there is nothing left but ashes. I do. I would have never been able to trust again without you proving the former me wrong. Thank you for saving me.

schnelltoten:

'Ö'

levispoopjokes:

unimpressedcats:

i can’t stop watching

"hello friend heard u were sad"

levispoopjokes:

unimpressedcats:

i can’t stop watching

"hello friend heard u were sad"

(Source: ForGIFs.com)

humorous-blog:

corink:

comatose-kitty:

I literally cant fucking breathe 

IVE BEEN WAITING 2 YEARS FOR THIS VIDEOS RETURN

theinkedoctopus:

inkytomes:

fandomslutcakes:

jainz:

(x)

do you think that if we get enough people caring about this we can get them to make a game? 

I’m not sure I could handle that honestly.

At first i reblogged this because it seemed cool, then I watched the video. Holy fuck. I mean, just hell, in 7 minutes I was so submerged int the story I almost cried. This needs to be something, a game, a movie, something.

Where does this clip come from?

(Source: k-stickz)

shutupaubrey:

do you ever zone out and your body does all the work for you and then you come back to reality like in the shower or driving like did i just miss the last 20 mins was  i stuck in my own head for that long